Wednesday, April 29, 2015

Training to become more glamorous





On Sunday I sailed. It wasn’t really training and there wasn’t a race either. The harbour was missing some water. The Scows have written an angry letter to complain. Apparently someone is stealing the water twice a day and we’ve not installed CCTV to catch the culprits which makes it my fault.

Anyway, back to the sailing. There’s a gusty northerly breeze which basically means a reach up and down the main channel with possibly a couple of tacks and gybes as you go round the corners. Perfect for me – no boat handling gives me an opportunity to avoid embarrassing mistakes.

Andy is out in his new Finn. Last week he asked Jack to tune it up. You may recall that it was 20mm too far aft. Jack tried to make the mast 20mm shorter by scraping it on the seabed so it’s probably perfectly balanced. Unfortunately he didn’t scrape 20mm off the centre-board so Andy promptly returns ashore complaining the harbour is 20mm too shallow. I suggest he adds his signature to the Scow’s letter and continue down the river.

New boots today. It took me 20 minutes to lace them and I almost dislocated my shoulder putting the left boot on. My left foot is harder to reach than my right foot. There’s probably a reason for that which I’ll investigate later. Anyway, I’m afloat and sliding around in a comedy fashion.
Going this fast should be fun


Joey and Ela follow in the RIB.  Richard launches his Laser and comes out for some practice. There are also a couple of youngsters in a Topper – we have more boats sailing on our “non- racing” days that the Scows assemble for their races.
 
Smile, Fatty!
The sailing is pretty uneventful with a few nice gusts.

What concerns me, however, is the range of facial expressions I make when sailing.
Ela took photos and I’m permanently scowling or looking terrified.
I’ve posted some examples here. I mean – it’s dreadful.
 
If you're going to look this concentrated at least sail fast
Experts look happy and relaxed.
I don’t look expert.
I look like an elderly driver heading the wrong way up a motorway or an old lady at a supermarket checkout suddenly confronted with a request from the cashier to pay for the shopping.
I also lick windows

Worried face :(

The training programme is now being re-designed.
I need to smile and look glamorous. There could be a photographer at the Nationals.
I know I won’t be on the podium.
Any chimp can grin on a podium (Bolland and co. take note)  I need to smile serenely while clinging to my daggerboard – this is where I’m most likely to be photographed.
 
It's blowing 8 knots and I'm out of control
What went well?
I didn’t capsize
Aliens didn’t sabotage my boat



What to work on:
Don’t look suicidal – you’re supposed to look like you’re enjoying this
Aliens made my new boots slippery – I will write to complain.
Apply more sex wax to the boat – or the boots.
True champions look serene. I don’t.
Is there a spider in the boat?

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